Apparently there is only room enough for a few cartoon characters in Orlando. The Orlando airport decided it had enough of the badge clad clowns in blue shirts. There is one catch. The airport authority has to ask the TSA for permission to kick them out the door. That is like my boss trying to fire me but only if I say it is okay.
When is the rest of the nation going follow in line. Are you a mouse or a man. At least this time the mouse showed it has some balls.
MIckey Mouse Fires the TSA
I don’t know who makes me vomit more, the police or the TSA? The ability to reason by either class of blue-clad goons is slightly higher than a rock. Some of the most dangerous people in your community walk like they have a stick up their ass (probably from being overweight) and they have the remnants of a jelly doughnut dripping off their chin and they wear a badge. Day after day you read stories about their “heroic actions. Just who are these people protecting and why do we need them?
Officer Scott O’Neil courageously used a taser repeatedly on a nine year-old boy. The boy’s mother called the police when her son refused to go to school. I suppose it is a government school. The kid has at least some intellect. So Mr. Brave Bad-Ass cop with jelly doughnut stains shows up and unable to reason with the little fart(it is hard to reason when you do not possess the ability yourself) zaps the kid. The mother is the one that should have been zapped for being stupid enough to call the police in the first place.
At least the village of Mount Sterling, Ohio had the guts, unlike the village board in North Hudson, to get rid of the whole damn police force. Thank God, the citizens can rest easy tonight knowing there will be doughnuts on the shelves in the morning.
Fire the Police Force
Then you have the story of the tough Police Chief from Berkeley who got his feelings hurt. He didn’t like what a reporter said about him, so he sent a cop over to the journalist’s house at 12:45 am to have a little chat. The incident scared the crap out of the reporter and his family.
Tough guy Police Chief Michael Meehan apologized for his error in judgment. You can’t have an error in judgment when it is obvious you have no judgment to start with. Imagine this guy running (probably too fat to run, let’s say a slow walk) around town with a gun and a Taser.
No Judgment
Berkeley needs to follow the lead of Mount Sterling, Ohio and fire this goon and take away the pension he has been counting on since he ate his first doughnut in uniform.
The answer to bad government is always more government. A proposal by US Senator Charles Schumer from New York perfectly illustrates this sad but true axiom. After stories surfaced about strip searches of old ladies at airports in this country, the Senator has proposed setting up a passenger advocate at air terminals where passengers can lodge complaints against the TSA on the spot.
More government
Of course like most government solutions, this idea completely misses the mark on several fronts. First and foremost, searches conducted by the TSA violate the Fourth and Fifth Amendments to the Constitution. You cannot solve the inherent problems of an unconstitutional government arm with another unconstitutional government arm. It is akin to one thief overseeing the actions of another thief. The question always with government advocates is what side they will be advocating for. One thing I can say for certain is that their concerns will not involve the US Constitution.
Fourth Amendment
Secondly, TSA personnel are not professionals in any meaning of the word. Most have little more law enforcement experience than a night security guard at the lumber yard. I would suspect that for many receiving a government check for non-work is quite common. The bottom line is that the people working for the TSA are not the brightest bulbs on the tree.
The real answer to airport security is to follow the path of private property and the free markets. The airlines should handle their own security issues. If passengers feel a particular carrier is not adequately promoting the safety of customers, than the flying public travel with another airline that will. The consequence of bad experiences will be customers taking their business to a competitor. The free market is the only advocate a customer needs; an idea that government does not advocate for.
I have seen a lot of moronic actions out of the blue-shirted idiot goons of the TSA that include patting down a man in a wheel chair with such severe palsy that he probably couldn’t shake his dick in the bathroom without getting all four walls wet. Then my favorite from a month ago was taking a bottle from a screaming infant so the morons could test it for explosive material.
The story out today about a teenage girl with a purse that had a gun design on it may beat any example of lower intelligence I have ever heard about. According to the article, a seventeen year-old girl was stopped by the The Stupid Assholes from entering the terminal and catching her plane because the gun design on her purse simulated a weapon. The goons told her she could get on the plane if she checked her purse as luggage. I am for once in my life totally at a loss for words.
A Loaded Purse
I expect some day to see or read about some poor woman being surrounded by the entire army because she is carrying tampons in her purse that a blue-shirted moron thinks are mini-sticks of dynamite. Meanwhile some guy with a towel wrapped around his noggin and tightened with a fan belt goes through security with a real stick of dynamite because the idiot that called code red on a woman with a monthly function thinks the little tube with a string the guy has in his carry on bag is some type of religious symbol to be inserted in one’s anus.
I feel so safe.
Apparently the TSA has agreed to let people in the military go through an expedited form of security. The military complained about the amount of gear that their people have to remove and put back on when going through the same line as me where I am forced to take my shoes, belt, and any coats or sweaters off, which in this part of the country could mean four or five layers. Besides feeling like I am undressing for a proctology exam, I also remove the coins, keys, cell phone and wallet from my pants plus most of the time I have a computer in a backpack that has to be taken out and placed in a tray all by itself. Anytime I have ever seen a person in the military they usually just have a backpack. Aren’t these guys supposed to be able to get dressed in seconds flat and be ready to fight in a moments notice?
I feel so safe?
The other week I did this after getting through security. My plane did not depart for over an hour so instead of rushing to get my sports jacket on and the over coat and the belt and the shoes back on my person and putting the coins and the keys and the wallet and the cell phone back into my pockets and zipping the computer that was in a tray all by itself into the backpack that was in a separate tray, I took my sweet ass time. Try it the next time you fly.
I felt so good.
In their never ending quest to keep Americans safe, The Department of Homeland Security just raised the threat level to code red for Turkey terrorists. This is one of those you can’t make this crap up stories. The DHS is afraid us morons may commit an act of terrorism on our own person by putting a frozen turkey into a turkey fryer.
Turkey Pat-Downs
The way I see it a person dumb enough to do this deserves to be removed from the gene pool. If they are lucky enough to live through an explosion, then I am sure such stupidity is qualifications for a management position in the TSA.
I think this is all a plot to give TSA agents that are birdophiles an excuse to come to my house under the guise of turkey terrorism so the blue clad goon can ram their hands up the cooked ass of the bird sitting at the center my table.
I don’t even want to imagine what they will do if hot dogs are put on a list of suspected terrorists
The Thanksgiving holiday is the busiest travel days for Americans. For the blue-clad badge thugs of the TSA it must seem more like Christmas. More passengers during their shifts mean more chances to rape and pillage. You ever what type of background our thugs for security have? I cracked myself up the last time I posted about it, so here it is again.
Qualifications For the TSA
Seriously, I found a website that tracks the criminal behavior of the airport goons. All I can say is would you trust these people to guard your house or baby sit your kids? Then why do many in this country believe they would protect our safety.
Rap Sheet
When I arrived at the airport tonight for my trip home, the line for the TSA Checkpoint Charlie stretched damn near outside the front doors of the airport. The old lady said the line was due to them being extra thorough. I couldn’t help myself so I turned to old lady and said, “Yeah, TSA stands for Thoroughly Stupid and Assinine. I thought she was going to drop her dentures right there on the floor.
You know how to make a baby cry? Have a TSA goon pluck it s bottle that the baby was sucking on so it can be tested for hazardous materials. Think about that one. Why would a baby be sucking down liquid explosives. What were the parents going to do; stick a fuse in the kids’ ass and light it? You cannot make this up.
Once inside the terminal, I heard an announcement to report any suspicious bags and ones left alone will be confiscated. After the incident at the hotel, I was done with anything suspicious. I started to think. Aren’t the suspicious bags they are telling us to look out for the same bags the TSA goons scanned before allowing the suspicious bag in the gate area?
I think they are trying to tell us that the people hired for the TSA are not very observant or bright.
I read today where the TSA is going to experiment with another screening process by chatting with the passengers. After having you strip half naked going through a porno machine, I am not sure what there is to talk about except to compare the size of you equipment. This is all starting to sound like a scene out of a World War II movie where the Krauts are asking people on the train for their papers and where they are going.
Remember that scene from the Great Escape where the Gestapo boards the train and tricks David McCallum into speaking English. Sprechen sie Deutsche? Papiere bitte? Thank You. And then McCallum who up to this point has been speaking German replies your welcome. It is off to the firing squad.
Of course I doubt any of the TSA goons can speak German considering most have difficulty with their native language of English. I can only imagine what a chat with the man from the TSA would sound like.
TSA: Hey man, let me asks you a few questions. Where you going today?
Passenger: What does my ticket say?
TSA: It says you headed to Minneapolis. Hey I got you man. Minneapolis and that other city named after a Pope dude is known as the step sisters or half brothers.
Passenger: You are good at geography.
TSA: I got you man
TSA: What you do for work?
Passenger: I do consulting jobs for some banks.
TSA: Yeah, I got you. My cousin Tyrone use to do bank jobs until he got caught. That’s him over there checking the carry-on bags going through the scanner.
TSA: I got to asks you another question. Can you spare a few bucks? Today is my bitch’s birthday and I want to get her some good crack?
Passenger: Sorry, I think your cousin lifted it when my wallet went through the scanner
TSA: right, right. Okay you can go.
TSA to female passenger: Well hello mama, You one foxy lady. Welcome to Maurice’s pat-down pleasure palace. I sure like the way your headlights are shining today. I can rub them up and make things brighter for bof of us.
It all makes me feel safer.
After flying through several airports this week, I have a couple of observations to share.
Did you ever notice that the people working at a Burger King inside the airport have about the identical level of intelligence as the TSA goons? It makes me wonder whether it is safer to fly or eat a Whopper Jr. with cheese. The person making my hamburger forgot the cheese, which makes me wonder what the blue-shirted idiot with a badge is going to miss. I swear the guy this morning peering into the x-ray machine and yelling for a bag check was the same person yelling fries are up the night before.
I heard the following PA announcements while waiting for my flight today:
A set of car keys has been left at the security checkpoint
A brown belt has been left at the security checkpoint
Some personal papers have been left at the security checkpoint
A pair of socks and a sweatshirt has been left at the checkpoint.
I started to wonder if I was sitting in an airport or a Nevada whorehouse
My flight arrived at the connecting city 15 minutes early, which meant I could possibly catch a plane home 2 hours earlier. I went to the gate and asked if there were any empty seats and the gate agent said yes. She wanted to see my ticket. She told me I had a discount ticket so it would cost me another $100 to get the empty seat that no one else was going to occupy. I tried to use some logic by pointing out that by me flying on this flight in an empty seat that no other fat ass was going to sit in it would free up a seat on the other flight that my fat ass was not going to sit in that some some other fat ass flying standby could take. She told me that was not policy.
I swear that she was making fries the last week and checking IDs against the ticket yesterday afternoon.
I don’t know who is nuttier, the people working in the airport or me for flying.
We have all seen the sick videos of blue-shirted goons that do not have the brains to fill a Slurpee machine at the Quick Mart molesting children and feeling up old ladies at the airport. Many have felt the anger to do something about these bottom-feeding unemployable morons. It appears that nature may be seeking its revenge for the liberty-minded traveler.
According to a report from the Mail Online, the constant exposure to radiation from screening devices may be causing unusual incidences of cancer among the ranks of the TSA in the airports. Of course there is nothing to worry about because the government said these machines are perfectly safe.
Last Thursday neared the boiling point in dealing with the blue-shirted clowns at the airport. I had a day trip scheduled with me leaving early in the morning and returning late at night. My only luggage was a small case that contained a note pad and written notes for a presentation. My blood pressure nearly blew a gasket at 5:45 in the morning when I saw the long lines winding out from the different Check Point Charlies. Despite being at the airport over an hour ahead of time, it looked like I may not make it. A guy in front of me stupidly asked a blue-shirted imbecile standing nearby if he thought the line would move fast enough for him to catch his plane, which left in 30 minutes. The goon just shrugged his shoulders.
I told the guy that they don’t give a damn about his or anyone else’s flight. Like all government non-worker, workers they only care about the days to retirement and their taxpayer funded pensions. Of course this cancer thing may alter those plans. Read More→
Many that thought the TSA and cops feeling people up at airports and violating basic rights would not lead to further intrusions better think again.
Once you give a goon an inch, they will take a young girl’s breast. And you still want to send your kids to government schools?
Stautory Rape
As bad as the Republicans are pussy-footing around with some socialist judge in Dane County, it is nothing compared to the footsy-playing Republicans in Congress. At least the Wisconsin Republicans showed some real guts by going after the government union thugs and putting in place some real reform that at least tilts the playing field a little bit toward the producers.
The Republicans leaders in the House of Representatives are apparently ready to strike a deal with Democrats that will cut $33,000,000,000 from a $3,700,000,000,000 budget that has a $1,500,000,000,000 deficit, which further increases the national debt of $15,000,000,000,000. In the words of John McEnroe, “You Can’t Be Serious”!! They are working tirelessly to make sure the government does not stop operating.
Well, Shut ‘ER Down!
I made a list of things that I won’t miss if the federal or state governments shut down.
1.A slow morning commute. You ever notice on those holidays that only government employees take, like Columbus Day or Take Your Kid to Lunch Day, how thin the traffic is? You don’t notice a difference in the afternoon because government non-worker, workers clocks out by 3.
2.Standing in line at the Post Office for 10 minutes even when you are the only one in line.
3.Paying the extra 50 cents for a gallon of gasoline. Of course if we shut down the government that includes the DNR, Dept. of Energy, EPA, and the Dept. of Interior we would be drilling for oil and cut our oil prices by half.
4.Having some government educated kid with rings in their tongues, lips, nose, ears, belly-button and god knows where else miscounting my change.
5.Filling a mountain of tax forms and writing a check with a bunch of zeroes following some number higher than zero
6.Having a TSA goon feel my balls and my wife’s breast every time we want to fly.
7.Picking up the paper and seeing the picture of some government non-worker, worker who just retired at age 50 and never put one dime into their pension. Then read the story that talk about their great sacrifice.
8.Trying to find a light bulb that doesn’t look like a pig’s tail after the oinker had an all night sexathon at the trough.
9.Having Ranger Rick at the park spying on me to make sure my dog has proper crap etiquette.
10.Listening to the news filled with the voices of politicians
11.Taxing everything I own including my Toilet Paper.
In the spirit of audience participation, I will stop here and let you write in the things you won’t miss when they Shut ‘ER Down.